while she is softly touching my forehead, we are writing this together
##1
what shall i do?
soften
no words and if so then others
soften
soften
soften
you’re within it
deep digging
there is a crust and
under it a soft moisture
it’s around the tip of your fingers
bring it up from down there
cover yourself in it
take care of it
##2
“ooooooh wow
life
forgot it was so beautiful”
a memory
a green one
and one where the cherry tree in the back left garden corner
(when you look from the house) looks like being dressed in snow
a memory
a green one
and one where one single bird call brings me back into the spot
you could be barefeet in every morning, soft and wet
only now i remember
i didn’t know it when i was there
##3
##4
I am leaning
it could be a river further down
from what I hear
with closed eyes
yellow, green and brown
violet and white
I’m not sure my sight is enough
to see
##5
a letter part I
dearest (),
so many wounds opening up lately.
it feels like becoming porous, slowly dissolving into another self. many loved voices coming back and many voices of another self. it’s true, you wrote it last time.
run run run
fast fast fast
be everywhere at once
your hands have the texture
of wet grass tonight.
let me hold them
for a while longer.
##6
a letter part II
dearest (),
today the grass feels dry again
i’ve been wondering, is every letter a love letter? i’ve been asking this before, i know. i am repeating myself.
i am writing from here this time.
i used to only write from coffee-tables
when did we meet last?
i miss your hands and
a silent cry of happiness.
are you there?
are you outside?
are there peonies?
i love their smell when they start to rot,
it touches the hair inside my nostrils.
i am thinking about when
we meet again.
looking up there will be the top of the trees touching,
making canopies.
##7
##8
dear me,
you just came from the garden
do you recognize yourself?
is that moss on your forehead?
its the first time in a long while that you feel whole to me, ganz, with all the manies that you are.
it was so hard for me to love you for some years, maybe it will be hard again, but right now...
... i see the magic fern in you.
honestly, it is hard to say, but i am proud of you for sticking to yourself, for choosing yourself.
i was scared of you and sometimes i still am.
you and i, that's we, that makes two already. so actually, all these years of talking to myself, i was talking to you. damn, i could have known that earlier. but now we can enjoy the sparkle.
##9
have you ever imagined
did you ever think that
yes, this one, i mean
it is possible
isn't it?
do you always think that
things get worse just
before they get better?
what is it
now?
##10
RIP PRODUCTIVITY
It's not about balance but about flow
I rest my dreamy succulent
each day
Before opening the window
Looking across the temple
How's that now? A violet sky
Life is just sweet
I can not resound the monster truck.
Well, sometimes its more
Godly then other times.
I was rolled over once...
##11
you told me how you communicate how you listen
how you’re never alone
you told me things, i don’t understand yet.
you told me about unfolding about age
and you told me that you are singular but never alone.
i walk straight towards you, leaning into the garden
you bark is like little islands ◌̃ like Schuppen
stronger at the bottom and thinner at the top
i see you, you have been cut on one side
and still, you unfold into a trinity, a canopy starting up high.
up there you are carrying pine cones, round ones and long ones.are you a hybrid?
i will come closer in a moment if you let me.
(Riserva Monte Cofano)
##12
she is angry
maybe she should go out to the closest source of water and shout her anger out
while you are reading this, there is a rumbling in the far
i guess that’s the thunder announcing itself
how close can you get to that thunder without being in danger?
maybe just by closing your eyes
white noise in the far back comes join the rumbling
will you make it back in time before being socking wet?
you feel the water coming through your shoes, it slowly gets into your socks
(i don’t know about you, but i really don’t like the feeling of wet feet)
there again, thunder rumbling
i guess you know that you can find out about how far the thunder is away just by counting the seconds between the Blitz and the thunder, one second is one kilometer
did you ask yourself where all the water came from recently?
did you ask yourself where it’s going to?
find a source of water, can you follow its flow ?
where does the water stop?
how far can you trace it?
check back in with her
is she still angry?
##13
that flow of words
the amount of weight that comes with them
the questions
the answers
the need for answers
trying to understand
trying to understand that need
trying to understand that need of the other…. is that THE thing everyone talks about?
what if i would tell you that i did not listen nor read half of the things you sent me? would you still continue sending ? words are like powerful waves, that can burry you so fast you don’t even see it coming. and then, when you come out of the wet worded water, who will be standing there handing you a dry towel?
##14
they dreamt about transformation together
tending to each other
receiving gifts
that grow (blue is for the thyroid, they said)
they looked at what is already there
listened and leaned a bit closer
to see the past’s future presence:
the memory of an im.print
#15
*
you think you come for harvesting
but what you actually pick up
from the ground, is yourself.
that thick, moist, clay-like soil between your fingernails starts to dry and
you have not seen time pass.
**
breath, they said, into your belly.
impossible, you thought, i can’t and
tears start streaming up into your eyes.
like from a long forgotten river-bed
that has not seen water run through it
for an unknown amount of time.
***
did you ever think that this was possible?
finding a body of land the you can call home?
what if, before finding your own body, you first had to find
that outside body;
outside which turns inside of you, as you come from it;
as you are not less compost then anything else here.
****
your belly presses softly against your shirt,
your hands might be shaky, maybe even
your breath is, a vibrancy inside your head,
that flickers like the candle light of that old flame on the table.
would it be so terribleto let go into this?
**** … *
you think you come for harvesting
but what you actually pick up
from the ground, is yourself.
you have washed of the clay between your fingernails,
still feeling dizzy,maybe frightened.
you stopped breathing for a second, as if to listen for something. only
to realize that there is nothing you missed,
that same corner on the wall is still
being lit by the sun.
#16
we drew something last night
that something was a feeling
and a sound
it came out of their hand and at the same time contoured its boundaries
the skin that holds them
its prickly
the air under their skin
like the paint fading away
colliding worlds
two points reaching out to nowhere
and everywhere
when that air comes to take you away
you know you've been breathing
and holding your breath
in one and the same moment
and in the next
the next
next
•~~• if you don’t know, look at how the blowfish does it •~~•
#17
remembering (maybe a summer)
Glimpses of thoughts peeking through the clouds,
ever so often i remember, before it fades again:
I never sent you that song i promised
(yes, you)
It’s been a while since i’ve been here. The space where that apple tree stood
is empty
now
there is a stone and a wild lavender
in memoriam
But did you really leave?
She said Monarde and I understood Monarch,
like the ones that travel around the world.
earth and air
it transformed
you, me, us
#18
a containing vessel for dreams desires and despair
i am proud of you
they said
and I am too
for asking for help
processing together
guiding each other through an old cemetery
containing dreams desires and despairs
you will be there
we will cross
there is st johns worth hanging on your wall
greeted by the roses and artemisia steaming
out of my cup
out of my cup
into dark blue night sky
can we also see the Milky Way from here?
I have to go outside
find the birds and
River rivers rivers
Sharing thoughts and rich beauty
attention driven ears. when your voice resonates
In depth of a quiet inquiry
#19
a cloud
you’re moving fast
coming down on me
wrapping me in cotton
and then you dissolve
as fast as i felt you coming
#20
a stone
I am a standing stone
I transform slowly and steadily
Tonight someone asked me what shadow work is and I wonder if ive ever seen my shadow as a stone
#21
a mess
How far can they carry you?
Do words have wings?
Does silence levitate and/or fly?
Can absence really fill your presence?
How often can you repeat to believe?
How often do the leafs turn brown in this process?
(and did you ever catch a falling one?)
How cold was that hand in their palms?
And for the goddesses sake, return return return
A stream gets louder the more rivers come together in the confluence; they would not stop their flow even if they knew it would still take three valleys to reach the others. They would start screaming from a distance
HERE HERE HERE
I am a mess, we are, and the mess is in us.
Mess as in mesmerizing (meaning all objects and beings - weather alive or not - are pulled together by a magnetic force)
#22
found 2022:
detail
not hot anymore
she lights
has curves and holes and broken bits
she is consumed by flames
and then she is gone.
what does a candle become once the light is out?